Sunday, November 05, 2006
So it begins
Liz, Martin, Andrew and I have decided, after much deliberation, to embark on an Odyssean journey of self-improvement and asceticism by way of the Lemon Cleanse. We came to this crossroads in our young lives by careful consideration of unsupported hearsay, citation-free websites, and the advice of several medical students that this might not kill us.
The procedure for the Lemon Cleanse (also known as the Master Cleanse and the Lemonade Diet) is roughly as follows: For five days, we will consume essentially nothing but a combination of water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper, pursuant to the recipe found to the right. I believe the expectation is that we'll be consuming six to twelve servings of "the drink" per day, which will provide us with somewhere between 600 and 800 calories. Makes sense, right?
Liz and I just returned from our inaugural shopping trip to Whole Foods and Pathmark. Our total haul:
Perhaps, dear reader, you're curious about the last two items on that list. The cleanse is designed to release and flush toxins from the body through the digestive tract. However, because maple syrup and lemon juice contain no fiber, a necessary component of the cleanse is the consumption of a salt water flush in the mornings and a cup of laxative tea in the evenings. This will make us spray diarrhea like firehoses. Heads up.
It's also worth pointing out that as young, urban sophisticates, we lead lives of significant excess and consumption. An unspoken but necessary element of the cleanse is the abstention from all other poisons, toxins, and drugs: no coffee, no nicotine, no alcohol. I can't speak for my comrades, I suppose, but I can guarantee that this will make me unpleasant, irritable, neurotic, and hopefully entertaining.
Naturally, today was an orgy of consumption, at least for Liz, Martin and me (Andrew left for work before the orgy began in earnest, so I can't vouch for him). Our friend Rahul came over to Martin's house and we cooked an extensive Indian feast. We gorged ourselves on chicken curry, drank two magnums' worth of mimosas, and polished off most of an ice cream cake -- all before 4:30. Stretching our stomachs to that degree was probably short-sighted, especially since a mere four and a half hours later, I'm already seriously contemplating what my last meal will be. Pizza?
The procedure for the Lemon Cleanse (also known as the Master Cleanse and the Lemonade Diet) is roughly as follows: For five days, we will consume essentially nothing but a combination of water, lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper, pursuant to the recipe found to the right. I believe the expectation is that we'll be consuming six to twelve servings of "the drink" per day, which will provide us with somewhere between 600 and 800 calories. Makes sense, right?
Liz and I just returned from our inaugural shopping trip to Whole Foods and Pathmark. Our total haul:
- 4 32-oz bottles of organic Grade B maple syrup
- 24 lemons, 4 organic and 20 conventional (for taste-testing)
- 3 1-oz containers McCormick cayenne pepper
- 36 bags "Get It Going" tea
- 2 26.5-oz containers un-iodized sea salt
Perhaps, dear reader, you're curious about the last two items on that list. The cleanse is designed to release and flush toxins from the body through the digestive tract. However, because maple syrup and lemon juice contain no fiber, a necessary component of the cleanse is the consumption of a salt water flush in the mornings and a cup of laxative tea in the evenings. This will make us spray diarrhea like firehoses. Heads up.
It's also worth pointing out that as young, urban sophisticates, we lead lives of significant excess and consumption. An unspoken but necessary element of the cleanse is the abstention from all other poisons, toxins, and drugs: no coffee, no nicotine, no alcohol. I can't speak for my comrades, I suppose, but I can guarantee that this will make me unpleasant, irritable, neurotic, and hopefully entertaining.
Naturally, today was an orgy of consumption, at least for Liz, Martin and me (Andrew left for work before the orgy began in earnest, so I can't vouch for him). Our friend Rahul came over to Martin's house and we cooked an extensive Indian feast. We gorged ourselves on chicken curry, drank two magnums' worth of mimosas, and polished off most of an ice cream cake -- all before 4:30. Stretching our stomachs to that degree was probably short-sighted, especially since a mere four and a half hours later, I'm already seriously contemplating what my last meal will be. Pizza?
